Dreams

August 26th 2006 7pm

Just got back from Skegness, didn't get to bed 'til 4am this morning, was very drunk and a little bit of the other, got up at 9am as we had to leave the caravan. Went back to bed and had an hour, hence the time.
· Was walking along the top road where Kelvin Flats used to be in Sheffield, they were there still, rather than being demolished. A load of male transvestites were playing (!?!) on the road with each other, some of them were laid down, showing off their fannies(I don't get that bit) and they had beards.
· Had a very strange encounter with a massive cat, a bit like a Lynx, very strange, it got stuck in a bit of a pit on a golf course. It attacked the hell out of me but I managed to kill it by lopping off the buggers head. I did get damaged by it though, I had loads of scratches, deep cuts and splinters (!?!)… I stuffed the cat in a bag and left it outside, unfortunately it was a friends cat and it upset their kid.
· Started looking for some tweezers as my hands were killing me from the splinters, luckily, 8 miles away my Nan's house had some in her cupboard, but I only managed to pull out 2 splinters from my finger ends before a big party suddenly started for my birthday, at my house, 20 miles away. I luckily managed to keep the tweezers.
· My Grandad was there at my party, dressed in something very strange that can't even be described by me, the master of simile. For some very, very strange reason, he was arching backwards at 30 degrees, dancing.
· I was still trying to find time to pick out those damn splinters and get rid of the caked blood on my hands, possibly also a plaster or two for the deep cuts that hurt like an absolute bastard. People kept saying hello and distracting me, it was very annoying.
· My old best mate Rigby turned up for some reason, even though I've not seen him for a few years, he was very upset that he only had one friend and he was crying on my shoulder.
· Work this one out. I was then in someone else's bedroom, god knows who owned the house I was in at that time, I asked Rigby if he wanted to look through the bedroom drawers at the knickers in there, he said yes, so we did. He then told me about his blonde lady friend, Pat, and the fact that she had the air in her lungs replaced again.
· Still couldn't get plasters or the splinters out.
· My cat, Squits (Shut up right now, I know she's named the same as me, but technically she had the name first, so I'm like Indiana Jones, calling himself the dogs name, instead of Junior) managed to get this really weird flower stuck to her, I managed to pull it off, but ten minutes later I went outside and she was covered in these flowers, she couldn't get them off and I had to pull them all off her, the only problem with that was the massive boils all over her body from the flowers poisoning her. Not very nice.
· This might sound racist the way I put it, but for some reason, there were two Pakistani people there, I don't get that at all, they weren't familiar in the slightest. Also, because I'm a bigot, I don't actually have any Pakistani friends, or any friends for that matter, Aha ha-ha.
· The rest of the dream/nightmare is slowly being overwritten by being awake, you know how it is with dreams. I started to cough up dry peas, two or three, then five, then more. I was being told off for it, because the kids at the party were trying to copy me, I ran to the sink and started dry throwing up a load more peas, all in a big stream, for some reason the sink was covered with glass, so the peas were bouncing about. I've eaten about two peas in my life. Finally the peas stopped and someone told me that I should try and train myself to do it on command, they advised me that I should go and see this guy that was a performer, so, obviously, I instantly appeared at the show. The guy that was performing breathed in and probably tripled in size, then he grabbed hold of his scalp and pulled it over his face, his neck skin was next, he wrapped it with two hands in opposite directions around his neck, presumably to stop him breathing out.
· I woke up, sweating.